This is 52

 

This past week I turned 52. Fifty-two is not one of the benchmark years. I turned 50 in the summer of 2020. It was when we were afraid to be indoors with too many people and were still wearing masks often. Yet it was one of my best birthdays ever. My sister came for the day and she and Hazel made a delicious meal topped off with a homemade birthday cake. They did all the planning, the shopping, the cooking and the cleaning. They even decorated our patio for the party. Yes, we ate outside. My sister works with newborns and their moms in a hospital setting and has taken being cautious to a new level. She wore her mask whenever she was in our house. It was truly the perfect birthday for me because I didn't have to do anything. It was small, intimate and simple. It certainly wasn't the ball my girlfriend went to for one of her friends who turned 50 this year. My girlfriend and many guests caught Covid from the ball. My girlfriend who is a nurse on a Covid unit in a local hospital. My girlfriend whose kids got Covid last summer and her oldest was truly sick for weeks. He could barely move off the couch, and she didn't get it. But she went to a 50th birthday ball and got it. No, my 50th was simple and fun and perfect and best of all we didn't get sick from the celebration!

This year's celebration was even smaller. It was just Steve, Hazel, and I. We got takeout and they got me a cake from Whole Foods. I bought myself some flowers and a gift. Afterall 52 is not a benchmark year. Hazel and I went outside for a photo shoot. Most of the photos shared here are taken by Hazel (besides the selfie and cake). 

Now I'm 52. My life is changing this year. It is going to be a huge year for me. After sixteen years at home, I'm returning to the classroom. I am so excited to be going back to working with high schoolers. I'm excited to be getting out of the house and contributing to society again. I know Hazel is old enough that she won't need me like she did when she was younger. She is also old enough to help out at home more. I have said for a long time that as a mother I would be a different teacher than I was when I taught. Now is my time to see what kind of teacher that will be. 

The school is small--under 200 students K-12. I will be one of two high school math teachers. The other is a math science teacher. I have been volunteering at the school this past year as well as subbing sometimes. I know most of the kids and I am so excited to be going back to teaching. When I left sixteen years ago, I was burnt out but now things are different. While volunteering I got the thrill of being around the students again. Of course, teaching is different with sixteen years of technology to learn. I do have some things I need to do this summer like become Google educator certified, but overall, I am just getting ready to decorate my classroom and coming up with fun projects. 

Then I look at the world events. We have been dealing with Covid for two years now. My family is one of those that has managed not to get it. We are vaccinated. We are careful. We wore masks often but have not been doing so much this summer even though it has been advised. We are homebodies as well. Steve works mostly from home now. Our vacations are short and have mostly been to my family's house on Cape Cod. We are planning a short getaway to New Hampshire. We have managed to stay healthy! I guess we are one of those families the scientists want to study.

I am a white woman. I am liberal but married to a conservative. I am a Christian. I truly believe in equal rights. And I'm angry. I'm angry that the country has such a division. I am angry that a conservative president sent the message that hatred and violence is all right. I am angry that the Supreme Court has taken away rights of women in this country. I am angry that people are saying those rights are being taken away because of Christians. I am a Christian! I know Jesus is my Saviour. I know the Commandment though shall not kill. But I also know that my religious beliefs should not be forced on others. I would never choose to have an abortion and at 52 don't have to worry about it, but I know women who didn't have a choice. Their baby died inside of them and the medical procedure to remove the dead baby with less harm to their body is called an abortion. And yes, some are late term abortions. The doctors did not kill the baby--it was already dead and needed to be removed to keep the mother healthy. 

I am angry that two of the Supreme Court Justices who voted against women's rights have been accused of sexual assault. They should have no say in women's rights. The truth is the fact that it is 2022 and we are still fighting for equal rights in a country that is about equality is disgusting. The violence in our country is because of the minority having power. It is time for the white men--especially the conservative ones to realize they need to stop trying to control everyone. If they do not, I am afraid we are going to see more violence and more hatred. Women as well as people of color will not give up without a fight. They have attacked women's rights. They want to attack even more. Some of the conservatives want to get rid of IVFs among other things. I was able to give birth to Hazel because we did IVF. Why do these Supreme Court Justices think they are God? I am Christian. I know Jesus preached love not hatred. I know Jesus was about forgiveness and understanding. Jesus reached out to the outcasts. We read about his male disciples, but he had many female followers as well. In fact, the women were the ones to stand by him through it all. For the Christians out there, who would Jesus be reaching out to these days. Who are the outcasts? The LGBTQ+ community. God created everyone including the LGBTQ+ people. God loves everyone. Why would you attack them? Why can't you accept them?

I am also angry that the former president filled this country with more hatred. He convinced his followers to attack our Capital. He convinced them they were being patriotic. They were attacking democracy!! He filled their heads with lies and many still believe the lies. I know I am married to a conservative! Yes, at 52, I'm angry! I wonder where our country is truly headed. If the politicians can't work together, we need to get them all out. Ok, enough anger and politics.

At 52, I am sad. I'm sad to see the condition of the world. I'm sad to see the effects of global warming and the fact that we don't seem to be able to give up our lifestyles to stop it. I'm sad that the alternatives to stop it are so expensive that most people cannot afford it. I am sad that the big corporations in our country are about the profit over anything else. Our world is a greedy one. We need to stop that. 

At 52, I'm happiest cuddling my cats and watching the birds and other wildlife in our yard. I realize my family is slowly isolating itself from others because there is just so much anger and hatred out there. I hope we can make changes. I hope the changes will truly be for the better. So far what I have seen has not been for the better. 

This is 52. My hair is getting greyer. I am wearing progressive glasses. I have more aches and pains than ever before. I love being silly Hazel.  Changes, anger, sad, happy, nature, and family. This is 52!